Friday, 30 December 2011

Piss Up!

I'm a little delicate today. Yesterday I went mad on Guinness, the first piss up since last May. In fact I enjoyed lots of Rum too with a couple of Black Sambuccas in there. Town was a sorry sight, I remember a time when pubs would have been full all through the Xmas period. There wasn't may out at all, suited me, I didn't have to que long for a drink.


I've spent most of the day monging out laid on my bed, ignoring the headache.

Wednesday, 28 December 2011

Self Employed

It's been a painful week. Backs starting to ease off now though thank the Lord above!

I'm officially Self Employed. I start my new line of employment as a Courier Driver next week. All good stuff. I now own a SAT-NAV!!! very impressed as it managed to guide me back from Lincoln blindfolded. I didn't hit a thing.

Over the Xmas period I counted the "Morecambe & Wise Xmas Special" on TV at least eight times.....EIGHT FUCKING TIMES! And that wasn't including them stupid +1 channels and I'm talking here about your basic Freeview TV too, not Sky or Virgin or Fancy TV like that. Why? Why repeat such a bag of old bollocks so many times? It may have been funny in the 70's (though I doubt it as they were not funny, the 70's version of Ricky Gervais), it sure as hell is not funny now.

In fact, Television over the Xmas period has been utterly shocking as to how piss poor it's been. Constant repeats, shite films and a shocking standard of kids cartoons. I say that though, the highlight of my daily viewing has been on Channel 5, the new version of....drumroll!........THUNDERCATS!!!
THUNDER!
THUNDER!
THUNDER!
THUNDERCATS HOOOOOOOOOOOOH!

A final note, I'm a little late on this but I will mention it. Due to personal reasons this story always tugs at me this time of year and has done for many years:

The Penlee lifeboat disaster occurred on 19 December 1981 off the coast of Cornwall, in England, UK. The Penlee Lifeboat went to the aid of the coaster Union Star after its engines failed in heavy seas. After the lifeboat had managed to rescue four people both vessels were lost with all hands; sixteen people died including eight volunteer lifeboatmen.

A very touching story.

Saturday, 24 December 2011

Laid Up!

Ok first off, merry Xmas to all.

Right now that bollocks is out the way I shall begin. I'm currently typing this laid up with a bad back. The best bit of it is, I did it playing Monopoly! Yes, that shite board game that goes on forever that I got forced into playing by a 10 year old boy. I say I did it playing Monopoly, it was actually getting up after 2 hours sat on the floor. Got up and TWANG, it went. So now I'm fucked.

On the plus side, I srart my new job as a courier driver on the 3rd of Jan. A nice way to start a new year....back permitting.

Thursday, 22 December 2011

Don't Do It.

If I can offer one bit of advice to people is this. Do not buy ANYTHING on tick from Comet. Their after care services are shocking. As for GE Capital/Santander.....try getting rid of you stupid automated phone lines and employ people so any problems people have can be sorted.

Fucking Angry is hell.

Supermarket Madness.

OK, I went to Tesco this morning. It was 6.30am and the place was full of people! I woke up at 5am, not for any particular reason, I just woke up after a dream involving a man driving over my car in a Road Roller thing (whatever you call those big metal wheeled vehicles that flatten the new laid tarmac on the roads). Well, it pissed me off so much it must have woke me up, so I got up. I needed some stuff and thought I'd nip to Tesco and get it while it was quiet. Ha! It was nuts. Fucking Xmas always sends people mad.

Tuesday, 20 December 2011

As One Thing Ends, Another Begins.....possibly

Well, today was my last day at work. My contract has ended. I'll miss it funnily enough, the money wasn't the best and the job was hardly taxing but some of the people were great. There weren't any arseholes as such, a couple though were getting on my nerves the last few days but on the whole, a nice friendly bunch.

None of them read this but I'm going to salute my band of rebels, Jamie, Chris and Kev for a) keeping me from dying of bordom and b) helping me on my mission to open the minds of the country bumpkins, which we achieved to a certain level.

Without sounding like the second coming or some smart arse I think they'll miss me too. Some of them saying today that they wished I wasn't going and said to pop in and say hello. Even the Boss!!

It's always nice when people say stuff like that. I don't get much of that sort of stuff thrown my way.

Anyways, as if by pure luck I had a phone call from a friend of a friend today offering me a job possibly starting after Xmas. OK, it's not a 100% defo but sounds promising. I meet the guy on Thursday to discuss things so fingers crossed.

I don't know if I've mentioned this before but I'm sure this house is haunted. Tonight there's a few strange things going on and I've got my "Knock Knock" stick handy in case it isn't spooks.

Sunday, 18 December 2011

I Step Forward, I Get Knocked Back.

OK, Last few days have been a bit up and down. Work want me for a few more days, Good news, Xmas shopping done, good news, got a new PS3 for a good price, good news, got a phone call saying I still owe money for a TV I bought in 2003 and paid off before 2007, a complete piss off, and finally, to top it all off, My cars in for an MOT in the morning and guess what I've managed to do? I've only managed to break off my rear view mirror cleaning the windscreen this afternoon!

So I'm now miserable as fuck.

Tuesday, 13 December 2011

Yes, TV is as shite as I remember.

As I mentioned yesterday my PS3 died. After some research it seems it's a design fault common on the older "Fat" version and 99% of the time a permanent death. So, I'm resigned to the fact I'm going to have to get a new one. Considering I bought mine in 2007 it has served me well considering the amount of usage it's had.

So, it's back to watching the TV.....in fact no it isn't as it is utter rubbish.

Time to look into a new PS3, my girlfriend went into town and while she was there had a look at the cheapest she could find. The answer was £168 for a second-hand old style (fat) 40GB version! So, put another way, a lower memory and older verion of mine (they stopped making the 40GB early on as they were shit!) from the high street chain, Game. I've found a brand new "Slim" 160GB on Amazon for £178 or a brand new 320GB slim with a game and Blu-ray DVD for £229.

What was it that shopping "expert" was saying today about getting people back into the high street and spending their money?

I Quote:
"Putting in place free controlled parking schemes and introducing a parking league table could go some way in [addressing] this."

wants High Streets to be managed through new "town teams" who would be responsible for developing businesses in the area.

wants some regulations to be axed for High Street traders, including restrictions on night-time deliveries put in place to minimise noise for those living nearby.

Hmmmm.....well I personally think the price difference between online and high street shops and even town to town price differences may be a big reason people are turning away from the high street and buying online more and more. Plus the fact the high street is full of other people, which more and more people seem to be becoming more and more intolerant of these days.

I haven't shaved now for nearly 3 months and the beard is looking great. the problem is I need a haircut. As it gets longer it seems to exaggerate my slightly thinning hair. I usually have a number four all over and sport some rather tasty sideburns. I want to keep the beard so I'll get the hair cutter to blend the beard in with my hairdown the sides so its longer around the chin like Seasick Steve.

This is Seasick Steve.

My fellow Rebel at work left today. Tomorrow is going to be dull as anything. I'm now alone with the Village idiots.

Monday, 12 December 2011

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHH!

MY FUCKING PLAYSTATION 3 HAS JUST GONE POP! PISSED OFF.

Apparently I have suffered the "Flashing Red Light Of Death" and the outlook isn't good. This means I can't watch my Blu-ray films, play my games and I'll have to watch TV again. I'm really not a happy teddy bear.

It's was blowin' a gale.

Been a bit blowy out there the last few days ain't it?

I've been given an extension to my contract. should see me up to Xmas. Quite pleased about it, though the village folk are driving me potty. For example, as we are all aware, it is nearing Xmas and up here in the Northern Hemisphere that means Winter is here. I was quietly carrying out my daily duties at work last week when a friendly, if a little bit dim person I work with came in from outside and said to me, "Bloody 'ell, it's cold out thee'er. Like bloody winter it is!". I looked at them and politely suggested that maybe it is!

As usual the festive season isn't easy for me. I'm not into the buying gift thing really and do so as it's the thing to do. People don't make it easy for me when they say I don't want anything, because if I didn't they'd be a bit dissapointed. I on the other hand hate people wasting money on me at Xmas as I hate Xmas, with passion but they insist on pissing me off with shit every year. Anyways, as no one knows what to get my Dad everybody has bought him the same bottle of booze as each other, that is except me, so that's him in for a really exciting time. I'll get him a crossword book, something really shite so hopefully next year he'll give us a clue what to get him.

Monday, 5 December 2011

New Tunes.

The Black Keys new album out today. It's called El Camino and is good. Give it a go:



As I said yesterday I've not had much to say but this was brought to my attention by a work mate. Basically it's video some sad individual has posted of himself and online friends playing World of Warcraft. If you don't know what WoW is look it up on Wikipedia but basically its an online game/world where people act as wizards and elf's and shit. It's all taken very seriously as you will see by the video....well by some at least. These guys sound like your stereotypical nerds, with one actually working out the percentage of the success of this particular battle they are about to get into. They are all preparing themselves, making sure they have the right magic, armour, weapons and whatever else they need before they go in. That is until one guy, obviously a right rebel messes things up a bit. Made me laugh, especially at the end with "Leroys'" last comment. It's a great 2 fingers up and the nerds. I found it bloody funny. Have a watch:



What I've since found out the guy "Leroy Jenkins" has become a bit of an Internet celeb since the Video was posted. It's the shock and anger at Leroys' shock move cracks me up, What a planet eh!

Anyway, I'm off......"LEEEEEERRROOOOOOOOYY JEEEENNKKKKIIIIIIIINNNNSSSSSS!!!"

Sunday, 4 December 2011

Been a bit quiet!

I've been a bit quiet of late, simply because I have had very little to say and very little time. I've still got very little to say so I'll not say much.

I'm growing a beard and it's looking great.

I sould be finishing work at the end of this week so its back to being a bum. At least I have some money for Xmas though.

Monday, 21 November 2011

Arse Over Tit!

I've done myself some damage. I tripped over some wooden pallets at work and hurt myself. I've got a nasty bruise to my right upper arm, right fore-arm, index finger on right hand, bruising just under my Sternum and some nice bruises up my upper left arm and across my left shoulder. Luckily I didn't take down the Shed or i'd have been in trouble. The person who left it were it shouldn't have been has kept their head down today. If they don't bring me a bottle of Rum in tomorrow There'll be trouble.

I've started a revolution, I've been eating away at people convincing them Radio 1 is for fuckwits with little brain cells, obviously anyone even remotely switched on would get fucked off with the same 5 songs over and over again day in, day out. But it seems this doesn't effect some, who think it's great and aren't pissed off listening to Ferne Cottons' pointless chattering about bollocks. However us few with a brain have managed a day and a half with "Absolute - 90's radio". OK still not BBC 6 Music but they vow not to repeat any song all day! It's a start. So we have 3 Factions trying to gain control of the radio, those with brains (of which I'm leader), the brainless (fighting for Radio 1) and the utter dregs (who insist on calling the radio "The Wireless". And these people aren't as old as you'd think either!). So the dregs have no chance, as they are looked down upon by most folk. I will be victorious as I have the supervisor on my side. First the radio, then the company.....THEN THE WORLD HAHAHAHAHA!

Sunday, 20 November 2011

The Glasshouse!

As you are aware I've recently been doing some work. The position is only temporary which is fine as it's not really for me. Of course I won't turn work down but it's not really what I want to spend my life doing as it's pretty dull. The one saving grace is that some of the people there are top people, really nice and a good laugh. These people like me have taken the job as work is hard to come by these days (especially out in the sticks where I live) and range from Graduates, Accountants and Fitness Instructors amongst other things.

This company has only 7 permanent staff of about 35, the rest being temps like myself. These 7 have been there since they left school and are of various ages from mid 30's to early 60's and to say they don't get out much is an understatement. I overheard one particular person talking to another that they remembered the bottom Greenhouse going up (I later found out it's approximately 18 years old!) and them talking about being built and how amazing things are these days! It's a fucking Greenhouse not the Olympic Stadium. Needless to say I'm looking forward to the contract ending to give my brain a rest from the highly riveting conversations I'm exposed to.

Another weekend has past and I worked half of it, my own choice, so time time I spent at home I relaxed....alot. The boys were at their dads so we had a pleasant time on our own relaxing without having to keep the boys amused. It made a nice change.

Apart from that I've got nothing to say so I'm off. Cheers.

Tuesday, 15 November 2011

Utter Bollocks

Right. Currently watchin the new "comedy" series by Gervais/Merchant called Lifes too short. Well I'm told its a comedy but I haven't laughed yet. These 2 talentless twats really have only one idea which wasn't funny to start with.

Monday, 14 November 2011

Coughs, sniffs, accidents and dissapointment.

I'm still poorly but like the true hero I am I went to work today. Some would say I deserved a medal but I just do my bit to keep the wheels of industry rolling. I did something yesterday I've not done since I was very young. Well I wont go into details but it involved cough medicine disagreeing with my stomach and a large sneeze which had disasterous consequences for my underpants, luckily I was at home or I could have been in deep shit so to speak. I've avoided the Cavonia cough mixture today and guess what, no accidents. Should know beeter than to trust a product advertised by Ainsly Harriot. More of a reason to smack him if I see him! OK, after my little outburst last week with regards to COD Modern Warfare 3 I have actually played it. Thankfully I didnt buy it, I was lent it and have finished already. It really isn't worth the hype and the end of the story thats been running through the series wasn't worth the wait either. Any parent thinking of getting there kids it for Xmas.....save your money. Get Skyrim instead.

Sunday, 13 November 2011

The Sniffles.


Today was the day it finally dawned on my Girlfriends eldest son what this day truely meant. He's getting to the age where things are sinking in and he's getting a better idea of the world.

I have a sinking cold which started to brew Thursday evening before throwing in a nasty chesty cough yesterday leaving me today feeling like my brains going to pop and my ribs are broken. I feel absolutely awful. Of course over the course of the weekend I've heard the word(s) "Man-flu" used alot. It's been directed in my direction for some reason which I cannot understand as I have what is known by doctors around the world as "The Common Cold". Where the fuck did this Man-flu come from? Why do women automatically throw it about when a man is feeling a bit crook?

Fuck Man Flu, I urge every man to hit the person who next says it to you and eradicate it's use from this day forward.

Hail The Revelution!

Tuesday, 8 November 2011

WAR! What is it good for?

I see today was the day the most eagerly awaited computer game EVER! hit the shelves today. CALL OF DUTY Modern Warfare 3. I nipped into Tesco this morning on the way to work for a sandwich and bits. Just inside the door was a huge display shelf thing and all they had on it was 2 copies,this was at 6am this morning.
it was a huge display and I expect it was full when they put it out. That means that some crazy bastards got up at stupid o'clock to buy it. Madness.

That madness continued at work. One idiot (and yes he is an idiot) was at Blockbusters at 2am to get it and had been up since playing it. Conversation didn't get much better either. It was all about the game. OK, I've played the first 2 and they were good games, but I've played better. What is this obsession? Is it me? Have I missed something?

Fuck knows.

I have to endure Radio 1 at work. I feel after a week my brain slowly dying. It's fucking shocking. Truely awful. They say that you can tell you are getting old when all the music in innthe charts sounds the same........I dissagree, it's sounds like it sounds the same because it does all sound the same (If you get me?) You've got Chris Moyles, ok he's not bad then after that it goes downhill rapidly with Ferne Cotton and never gets better until the radio goes off at the end of the day. Today in the "Live Lounge" was a band called Modestep, they are responsible for one of the most irritating songs on the playlist at the minute and they played it "live" in the lounge. They then do a suprise cover of somebody else's songs. They Did that Coldplay one, you know the one thats played over and over and over again, yes, that the one, the one that sounds like the last song they released. It started in fairness to them quiet good then all of a sudden turned into their song they'd "performed" minutes before!

Tomorrow I will be taking my MP3 player. Fuck what the boss says.

Sad news for the Red Arrows again today. Another Pilot killed. How long do you think the health and Safety police Ban them? Thoughts go out to friends and Family.

Sunday, 6 November 2011

LAna Del Rey

Just a quick one while I've got my music head on. This song Radio 1 are playing a lot at the minute and I really like it. Dunno why but I find myself humming it all day. Have a listen.

Flash, Bang........fizz!

Well what an exciting weekend it's been! I got a firework and set it off in my dearests front garden last night....
Needless to say she wasn't impressed as it attracted the police and neither were the boys. Hardly a spectacular display I agree but they could have had fuck all. Some people!

Apart from that I was at work most of the day yesterday. I've got to grab it while I can. I had a letter from the Benefits office, well I had 3 actually, my P45, a letter saying that they weren't going to continue my JSA after reviewing my application and that they weren't paying me anything more and a third saying as I'd stopped signing on (I signed off as soon as I was offered my temporary job) and that I'd started full time employment they were paying a "Back to work grant" of £100. So they couldn't pay me anything more when I wasn't working and had no money coming in but can pay me £100 pounds now I am working!?! Fuck knows how this country works but it's a bit backward if you ask me.

I made a new friend at work. He's pretty quiet but has been helpful while I've been finding my feet. Anyway, it turns out he's into some of the same music as me. Nothing strange in that I suppose but I do have a bit of a wide range of tastes and it's far from the mainstream, in other words a lot of it you wont hear on the average Radio Station. Well, it turns out he likes a band called Fugazi, a "post-hardcore" band from Washington DC. They were very influential on other bigger named acts but always refused to go against their view and ethics a turned down the big record deals. There aren't many fans of this band about these parts so it's always good to come across another.

We also likes these...

Wednesday, 2 November 2011

Oh and another for the list....

Peter fucking Andre. He will also go on the list. Near the top. Talentless twat. Just watched a bit of his program and I think to myself.....why is this prat given airtime?

Isn't It Dark Early These Days!

Third day back at work and I'm fucked. The long days walking around sorting stock is taking its toll on my poor old feet. Sunday I will be sitting with them in a bowl of warm water! Despite that I'm glad to be earning again, even if it is only a temporary position.

I've just caught a bit of The One Show, it's not something I go out my way to watch as it's mostly bollocks but this evening I just had a look to see who the guest was. It was that unfunny prick Ricky Gervais. Who actually finds this arsehole funny? He isn't funny. Not much better as an actor either. I wish the Media would stop encouraging him & his equally unfunny (and shit Radio presenter stephen Merchant) from making new "Shows".

He's on my "Smack Him If You see Him" list along with:
Ainsley Harriot (not a cook or Chef, just irritating)
Richard Madeley (out and out wanker)
Ricky Gervais (not funny, smart arse)
Jonathan Ross (not funny, but funnier than Ricky)
There's more but can't be arsed at the minute.

Monday, 31 October 2011

oh my feet!

Well you can tell I've done bugger all for the last 6 months. My legs ache. Been a good day, very productive but I don't mind admitting I'm tired.

The Supervisor's a bit of a tit though, likes the sound of his own voice too much. Good job I'm only there a few weeks because I could see a fall out.

Sunday, 30 October 2011

Jim's had it!

Well another weekend over and again I've got fuck all to tell you about. I see Jim'll fix it died. OK he did charity work alot and the Queen musta liked him because she invited him to be a knight but I thought the bloke was a cock-end. And before anyone says have you met him, or, he probably thought the same about you (2 of my mothers' favorites), the answers are, Yes I have and he wasn't particularly pleasant, and, probably not because I got the impression he only liked his mother and himself. My Uncle met him many times too and he said he was a rather unpleasant man. Anyway, shouldn't speak ill of the dead as they say......thats "they", not me!

I've got myself a little job until Xmas, ok, it's not really what I want to do, but I could do with the money and it'll keep me occupied for a a few weeks. I'm looking forward to it actually.

My mate at the Seaton Carew Diaries has been making me laugh with his latest posts, he also has been putting on some of his photos on there which are very nice. If anyone see's him about say hello!

Me and the Chick went out for a wander round Hemswell on Friday afternoon. It used to be the sight of an RAF Base between Lincoln and Scunthorpe but now is the home to many Crap (sorry Antique) shops. Well we didn't just go for fun She wanted a good sturdy chest of drawers for her eldest sons clothes. We didn't find one but we did see a lot of shit. Especially a guy who's set up selling Models and his own Diaramas (I think thats what you call them), he basically done a runway with a Dakota towing a big troop carrying glider on on its way to the war in Europe. OK, now I'm taking my hat off for his detail on the tiny Airfield buildings and the tiny model soldiers and airmen but his planes were far from my standard, and I'm a beginner. Well, This wouldn't be an issue if it wasn't for the fact he had it up for sale for a wapping £645! I'm gonna go up there again and see if he's sold it. if So, I know where I'm gonna make my fortune because it'll prove anyone will buy anything.

I saw the newish film Captain America the other night. It's Shite!

I've got a funny feeling I'm going to sleep bloody well tomorrow night!

Tuesday, 25 October 2011

Mother and Mayhem

Yesterday I had a very casual interview for a job. It's not a great job and will see me through to Xmas, but it gets me out the house and a bit of money coming in. Well, as usual it didn't exactly go to plan. A friend of my Mothers rang her the other day asking her if I'd be interested in the Temporary postion. She rang me to ask, I said yes as it looks as though I'm not worthy of JSA anymore and any money is better than no money. She then rang back her friend and the details where then passed back to me after another phone call. Yes, all very complicated, why she just didn't give the guy my number and we could have sorted things personally I don't know but hey, she was trying to help. Well I call it help, it would of been a help If she actually listened. I got the "Information" from her and had a quick swot up on what this company does all ready for Mondays meeting.

I woke up Monday morning nice and early, checked my "smarts" for creases, showered, shaved and went out the door for the "Interview". Off I drove, it was only 7 miles from my house but all the way there I was thinking what questions to ask, like you do, so you don't look a prick when they ask if you have any questions and you sit there blubbing and stumbling over you words in the hope something pops into you head. I arrived at the location I'd been instructed to go to, I hadn't been given a time as they're pretty laid back but it was half 9 in the morning, wanted to show I was keen of course. I walked to the sales desk as I was told to and asked for the guy. The small bearded man behind the desk looked at me puzzled....."Who? I don't know that name I'm afraid. Can I ask what you are here for exactly?" I explained the situation and the puzzled look became even more puzzled (if thats possible). "Well I pretty sure you're at the wrong place sir" he said "let just ring the boss, she might know who this person is". Following a brief phone call it was confirmed........He didn't work there, I was in the wrong place and the "Information" my Mother didn't listen to was wrong. I politely thanked the man who cheerfully wished me luck in finding my proper destination I left, trying very hard not to go off like an Atom Bomb.


I did go off like one in the car, out of view of anyone. When I calmed down enough to string a sensible sentence together I tried calling my Mother who did her usual and wouldn't answer her bloody phone. I then rang my Father, who incidently had nothing to do with any of this, and asked him if he could get hold of Mrs Helpful and explain the situation and get in touch with me ASAP. In the mean time, I was thinking where the info went wrong and using a bit of logic I decided to try another firm, another 7 miles on from where I was currently sat boiling with rage. Off I went, out into the great wilderness of the Fens all the time thinking the best way off bumping Mrs Helpful off later.

OK, well I arrived at my second destination. I made the enquiry if this guy worked there to which I got a yes! Would you believe it. Well, this sort of shit is very much the way my life works these days. Calming down I had the "Interview". It seemed to go ok, I explained my circumstances and that I'm willing to do anything as long as I have a bit of money coming in. I have to wait now. He ideally wants somebody to start next week so with a bit off luck he'll ring and I can afford Xmas and M.O.T my car!

The story doesn't end there though, oh no! Mrs Helpful rang me while I was having my meeting. She left an message on voice mail. In fact two. The first I snappy one saying "I told you to write this down. It's blah blah blah and ask for Paul Blah Blah Blah". The second sent a few minutes later was very apologetic "Sorry Grizzly love, It's not Blah Blah Blah it's So and So. I am sorry. Let me know how it goes". Bloody Idiot.

I'm keeping out her way for a bit. I feel like pushing her down the stairs.

I got a letter Yesterday from the Benefits Office that completely contradicted the one the sent on Friday. To cut along story short they needed a recent ISA/Savings statement so they can see if I'm skint enough to qualify for JSA payments. I've got a little stashed, to be untouched as this is my emergency fund to keep my car on the road should anything break or in case any other unforseen expence rears it's ugly head. As I say its not alot and need to keep my hands off it. I've never had a Statement for my ISA since it was opened but I can get one by using a fancy machine in the bank. The building society is another matter. That has evenless money in it.In fact by rights isn't mine (another story I'm not going into, but it's legal!!). Well I asked for a statement but they said they can't issue on on my type of account!? They suggested I photo copy my account book!

They can send me shed loads of Junk Mail every week though about how well they're doing in these hard times but can't sort me a statement out.

Sunday, 23 October 2011

Something to do!

I've found out that I'm not entitled to any benefits as of the end of the month. OK, if thats the case then fair enough but can anyone explain to me how the fuck people can be on the Dole forever, other hand outs and no intention of finding work? This country is a fucking piss take.

Luck would have it I may have a temporary job 'til Xmas. It's cash coming in and although I doubt it's gonna be a fortune it's going to be more than £67 quid a fortnight. Shall find out tomorrow.

I had a man start talking to me the other evening while I was sat on the door step having a quiet smoke. I haven't a clue what he was talking about, I was amazed at how he looked...

OK, so he wasn't red and didn't have sawn off horns but he looked like Hellboy. The fact that his voice was deeper than Barry Whites didn't help my mind wandering either.

Tuesday, 18 October 2011

The Return And A Suprise


This morning I turned on the TV and was listening to the news while my head engaged and started working. I do this most morningsbut the TV goes off soon after because as I've mentioned before, TV in the morning is piss poor. Well, I unfortunately caught a bit of Loraine Kelly, she was talk to two others (I don't know or care who) about shite but what caught my attention was the news that the Stone Roses are re-forming? Why? OK, their first album was good but it was of it's time. The second album was appalling and live they weren't much better. Ian Brown sadly couldn't hold a note to save his life. For years and years the question has been asked if they'd re-form and the answers been a solid no from most of the member as they split up not liking each other much. Whats the point then? Money obviously, and I can't blame them in that respect but it takes the magic of the first album away for me. Some things are best left alone. Will Reni the Drummer return or will they have a stand in? It's like the Specials isn't it. It's not the truely the specials without Jerry Dammers is it? It's a funny subject I suppose. I won't be spending what will most likely be a huge ticket price to see them.

Oasis! Another band I have mixed views on. Again the first album was a great album, the second not as good but had some good songs on it but those were ruined by the constant radio play at the time. The rest....well I'm not commenting because they were shite. The Brothers Gallagher I wasn't much of a fan either, Liams swagger and stupid haircuts didn't amuse me. I had run in's with Arseholes like that every weekend down town. Now I heard Liams saw Liams new band on TV a few months back at one of the Festivals and they were garbage. I didn't really expect anything else to be fair but I was suprised by Noels' new single. I first heard it while getting my haircut the other week but didn't know it was him until yesterday when I heard it again. It's not bad at all.

Still think his a tosser though.

I mentioned a band the other week called Jane's Addiction. They had a new album out yesterday. I'm dissapointed. I love that band but this is their weakest album. Again a band thats split and re-formed several times. It's not worked this time.

Well I think it's time to dig out the jumper. The weather's certainly acting it's season today.

Monday, 17 October 2011

Phew Was getting worried.

Thank god. My mate at the Seaton Carew Diaries has returned. I was worried for a bit then. Welcome back and nice photos by the way.

She's Had A Wash.

Signing on day today. Yes the woman who smells of piss was there and yes she sat next to me again. Today though she didn't smell of wee. I think she must have had a scrub up.

Life is funny. I do like to grumble about it but mostly it makes me laugh. I was at my Girlfriends again from Thursday last week and although I spent most of it looking after her eldest son who had Bombay Belly, I saw something that made me laugh. As I've mentioned before her neighbour is one of lifes waste of spaces, a druggy who has never worked a day in her 30 odd years of living but managed to have 3 kids (not an ounce of good in any of them) and has had the council throw what must amount to many thousands of pounds at her. Well, I need to explain a bit of back story, about a year ago her "boyfriend" at the time, another fine example of human development, decided to walk into the benefits office and smash the place up with a baseball bat and was jailed for it. We had heard whispers over the last few weeks that "The Neighbour" was moving to Essex but couldn't find out if this was true or not. Friday morning a minibus (funded by the Council) came and whisked them off. They had what they could carry in a few bags with the intention of coming back to collect the rest of her stuff in a few days time. Of course news got round, and being the person she is had pissed a few folk off most notably "The Boyfriend" who she stole £600 from while he was behind bars. That explains the rush move then? Apparently he wasn't amused! Anyway, by 8 o'clock that evening her house had been emptied by all those she'd pissed off, owed money or just didn't like her. It was an amusing sight, people wandering round with council funded Wii & Playstations, washing machines and tumble driers, even the fridge contents apparently. It was like a scene from Shameless. Well it's saved her a job hasn't it!!! I shouldn't laugh, and if she wasn't such a Shithouse I probably wouldn't have. But I did, all weekend. Laughed my head off.

What comes round goes round as they say.

Now, this didn't make me laugh. In fact it shocked and saddened me. This morning a former work friend rang me with the news of another former work mate who stabbed his 24 year old girlfriend to death at the weekend. I knew he was a bit of a rogue but never expected this of him. It just goes to show you never know what's round the corner. A sad story.

Wednesday, 12 October 2011

Quiet existance

Well, so far this week I've had nothing to moan about apart from my JSA might be stopped at the end of the month but I'm not concerning myself with that at the minute. I've immersed myself in my music to keep my head straight and free from boredom this week and came across this that I can't stop listening to.

I really like it.
There's also another guy called Jonathan Wilson who I read about in Mojo Magazine the other month and finally got round to looking him up. I think this song is one of his best.


Yeah ok both a bit hippyish but I like Hippy music.

Monday, 10 October 2011

Brute Force and ignorance.

Managed to replace my number plate this morning. It involved a Hammer, Drill, Nuts and Bolts and a large dollop of brute force. It's on straight too which is an achievement for me!!

Sunday, 9 October 2011

It Rained alot!

It pissed down most of the weekend in my part of the world. I was at my dearests again and we stayed in all weekend. I decided to finish all models that are on the go while I had the time, that included finishing off the Typhoon I'd helped the lad with the other week. I have to say, apart from tidying up the paint job and doing the more fiddley bits he did a great job.

I also finished off the Tornado. After breaking off bits while I was trying to stick the more fiddly parts on and having to fix it a few times, I don't think it's turned out too bad.

Other than that It's been quiet. I still haven't heard from that poxy agency that promised me at the interview they'd have some work for me, it's starting to look like a Xmas free year for me.

I've been trying since Wednesday on and off to change my rear number plate on my car. I cannot for the life of me get the damned thing off the car. Has anyone got any tips as I think the screws holding it on are rusted in position? I need the old plate in one piece as to mark up and drill the new one. Please any tips would be appreciated.

Monday, 3 October 2011

God forbid Anyone Having An Opinion

I love my music. I like alsorts of different styles from rock, Electronic, Folk, Classical you name it there's usually something I like. But I don't like all music, just like everyone else on the planet. Yesterday I downloaded from Amazon the new Ozric Tentacles album "Paper Monkeys" and was eager to get it on the stereo as I been a huge fan for donkeys years. I was sorely dissapointed. To me it's all sounding the same and in recent years they've become more electronic sounding, by that I mean it feels less human and more done on a computer (computer generated basslines for example). This is just my opinion of course, something I'm entitled to and speak openly about. This is Britain of course, not Cold War era Russia. I gave the album a few listens, and as I'm pretty clued up on the Ozrics and knowing what I like and don't felt the need to write a little review on it at Amazon. It was fair, honest and far from rude or offensive. Within 3 hours, 2 people had commented on my review, again neither arguing against my point and one of them sort of agreeing with me that maybe the best is behind them, not a bad feat considering they'd been on the go since the early 80's.
This evening however I went over for a look at the Ozric Forum just to see what others thought. It seemed my comments had caused a stink with a band member. She was having a groan about my review saying it wasn't supposed to be available yet and my 1 star review had tainted the album, actually it was a 2 star verdict!. She said that EVERYONE other than me thought the opporsite, that it was a totally new sound as it was a totally new studio, the mixing had been done differently and the guitars were different. She finished off with this, and I quote "I get so very tired of fighting over music that's meant to make people happy". Who's fighting? Who was moaning? Did it make me Happy spending £7 on something that sounds past its best? No it didn't but I was very polite about it.

I've noticed more and more that if anyone disagrees on these sites you just come across fury and anger at the fact you are going against the grain and saying your piece, supporting free speech and opinion. Something I'd have expected the Band to tipped their hat to. Obviously not. I've taken the review down and replaced it with a half lie. It's now got a 5 star review and I've mentioned the 3 tracks (of an album of 9) that are worth listening to. I'll let everyone else put there 5 star reviews on there, as that's all it's going to be full of as no-one has the balls to say different.

God forbid anyone wanting a balanced view of things so they can choose to buy something or not.



Thanks for listening.

Sunday, 2 October 2011

Failure!

The Interview I had on Thursday was worthy of writing about on here because it utterly strange, something my life seems to be faced with more and more as the months pass. It was a baking hot day, the hottest on record for the time of year since records began apparently so having to wear my "smarts" wasn't what I needed, especially the Tie but you have to make the effort for these things. I drove down, windows and blowers on full to stop being soaked in sweat, parked up and walked round to the small shop I was to have the interview arriving 5 minutes early. After shaking hands and apologising for being slightly early the man asked me to bare with him while they dealt with a customer, no problem I said and waited. I was joined by a woman and she introduced herself as the owner, we shook hands, and the man then rejoined us. He said he recognised me and I said I'd always gone to them for my Fridges, Washing Machines as do my parents (which is true). He then asked me if I smoked, was fit and healthy and if I had any medical complaints that would prevent me from carrying out the duties the job required to which I answered. I then asked if they were they busy and a little about the job thinking that this was just pleasantries before the interview as we were still stood in the middle of the shop with people coming in and out. I then got, well thank you for coming and they'd let me know either later that day or the following morning how I got on. That was it and before I knew it I was walking back to my car approxiately 8 minutes later. I was gobsmacked. I could not believe that was it.

The following day they phoned me and thanked me for my time but didn't get the job. I don't think they liked my Tie.

Thursday, 29 September 2011

Haircut and the last minute interview!

I have yet another job interview today. I'm ready for it! I had went up to my Girlfriends house yesterday, a normal thing on a Wednesday and I stay until Sunday. Yesterday was her eldest son's school football match that I didn't want to miss as I had promised I'd go. I left the house around half 2, plenty of time to get there but as I was leaving I had a suprise phone call asking me to come for an interview for a job I applied for on Monday. They wanted me to come in today at half one. I raced up to Lincoln, time was ticking and I had a couple of tractors and lorries to contend with. I got there just in the nick of time. Sadly they lost, by alot of goals but hey, they enjoyed themselves.
I decided as my interview was back in town, I'd stay the night, leave when the boys went to school and get a haircut, run over an iron on my shirt and trousers and buff my shoes giving myself plenty of time to get it done. Well, as with everything I plan it doesn't quite go to plan. An Hour to drive 17 miles! A SODDING HOUR! Ambulances, learner bus drivers and idiots held me back. Anyway, I drove straight to my usual Barbers...it was closed, then walked up to the next one and that was closed. Yes, temper was wearing thin by this time so I thought I'd try another Barbers in the center of town which I'd never used before.....yeah you guessed it...closed! This is all true. You couldn't make it up. I was just walking back to my car when by sheer chance I noticed a new shop, A Barbers Shop! Last time I knew it was a Letting Agency. So wandered across and was greeted by a friendly Barber by the name of Kaz who's from Dubai! Nice fellow, well that is until he mistakenly cut of my Sideburns! I like my Sideys and wasn't impressed but it was to late, he'd destroyed them. Much apologising later he sort of rescued the situation by re-modelling what was left and gave me the cut free. Now I'm home to be fair it doesn't look to bad.

Has anyone been watching the Fades on BBC3? It's started off pretty good. Hope they don't do a Torchwood on it!

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

It's been like a mad cartoon.

I had a Self Assessment course today. A lot of talking about my Strengths and weaknesses and a few Tests. It's basically so The college can see what further courses would benefit me and help me in getting back into work.

I turned up early, and sat and waited outside enjoying the morning sun, listening in on some girls who were talking loudly and smoking before starting their Hairdressing classes. They didn't have much to say other than utter shit and Facebook was mentioned alot too. I was joined after a few minutes by 2 young lads, one was obviously a dope smoker (you can tell them a mile off) and the other it later turned out was a "Trekkie". He was a bit tubby, had a Blazer and casual shirt on with scruffy jeans. But what topped it off for me was the gold pocket watch on a chain he had. The dopehead was just a scruff! I'm not mister smart but at least I wash, and I had the misfortune of having one each side of me all day. They were nice blokes though so that wasn't so bad.

At lunch I grabbed a sandwich and sat by the river. I was nice and relaxed, watching the ducks, when suddenly, out of the blue came "So, do you like Star Trek?". That was it then....Star Trek, Star Wars, Battlestar Galactica and my peace had gone. I couldn't be rude, I don't think he gets out much. We also had someone who was so obviously on speed all day, well, speed and Red bull. Not a good combination, eyeballs bulging and talking a hundred miles an hour making less sense as the day went on. There was another lad who didn't say a word all day, not even to answer his name. So, I sat at the back laughing to myself at the wonders of mankind in front of me. The Tutor bloke was a OK. You know, he couldn't spell and was from Boston but had the right number of fingers on both hands!

Monday, 26 September 2011

Driving Regulations


I've been brushing up on driving regulations for 7.5t vehicles and the use of Tacho Cards today. I've applied for my Tacho Card from the DVLA and all I need now is to sit a refresher test with the Agency I've signed with. I'm not stupid but it's doing my head in. They go around the houses 14 times just to explain a simple rule. Why can't things simple these days?

My phones been pissing around again. Or it could be the network. Seem to lose signal for hours on end and text delays again. I've also noticed that the in build GPS has my location in the middle of a field about 5 miles away. Last week I was on the other side of town according to that. Piece of crap.

Yet again I've been turned down for a job. It was for a General Opperative in a local factory. I'm now convinced I'm unemployable because these guys are known for taking ANYBODY on.

I'm at an assessment day tomorrow with Boston College. The job Centre wanted me to do a basic food Hygene Course but both the College and myself have other ideas. We haven't quite decided what yet though.

Sunday, 25 September 2011

Frustration!

Ever tried showing and helping a 10 year old boy with no patience and short attention span, how to make an Airfix model Aeroplane? Not a wise thing to do, especially when patience isn't one of your strong points either. It's been a good exercise for me though, I have to remember his age and he's not done anything like this before so I'm training myself to be more patient with others. He's doing well but just needs to calm down a little bit. I had to make it very clear that it wouldn't be done in half an hour! I'll post his efforts when its finished.

My Girlfriends neighbour has been a particular annoyance for me since we got together. I've commented about her kids on here before but over the last few weeks they seem to have changed. She's started doing stuff with them, their behaviour has improved 100% and they all seem to be making a bit more of an effort with life in general. The one downside of this of course is the fact that in the past most of her money has gone on drugs so they've got fuck all. My dearest will help anybody out which is fine but it now means the doors going every 5 sodding minutes, and its her or the damned kids with "Can I borrow......".

I'm banned from answering the door because apparently I'm "bloody rude". What wrong with saying no, your taking the piss, buy your own sodding.... (bread, Tobacco, Milk, Plasters, Oven Chips)? No, I didn't think so either.

Wednesday, 21 September 2011

Mirrors, Safety Wear and nowt else.

I've had pretty much an uneventful few days really, hence the postings on here dropping slightly, but this morning I managed to get my new wing mirrors on and connected properly so they work! I'd like to say I did it all by myself but unfortunately being a bear my great big paws struggle with small fiddly jobs and even smaller spaces in which to do them in. An old friend did it for me (with my assistance! 2 cups of tea and a cig or 3). Even though they are black, they look OK, matching the trim on the car so I'm happy.

As you may be aware, I signed up with a Driving Agency last Friday. With it being an agency I have to provide my own Safety boots and Hi-vis vest. I'm pretty proud of my new "Steel Toe-cap Hiking Boot" style footware. Cost me £35, it was that or £50 for the shitty looking Boots they also had. They fit nice and are very comfy for Safety Shoes but I'm walking round the house in them just to bed them in a bit. They're also good for kicking the Ginger and white cat that's started hanging out in my garden shitting all over. Horrible creatures. I lured it in with a smile them when it was close enough, the boot went a swinging. Luckily for the cat I only just clipped its backend as it realised with horror my true intentions and ran off.

Monday, 19 September 2011

Rise Of The Wasters!

Today I was due at the Jobcentre for my monthly "Personal get back to work and talk general rubbish for an hour" meeting. Its a fine morning so I walked down. I was a little early, arriving at the jobcentre at ten to nine so I waited outside for the doors to open. I'd only been waiting a couple of minutes when I got a phone call from the Jobcentre just to notify me that my interview had been cancelled and there was no reason to come in as they would sign me on for that week and that they'd send me a new appointment time. That was helpful, being told seven minutes before hand that it was cancelled. I told them I was actually waiting outside so she decided that I could sign on, "As I'd already left my house". That was damned British of them wasn't it?

I was the only person in the Dole queue this morning that didn't smell of piss and had eyeballs both pointing in the same direction! Christ there were some sights down there. I'm hoping the Driving Agency come up with something and quick.

Saturday, 17 September 2011

Bloody Hell!

Ten weeks of Torchwood and all we got was a hole in the ground and no explanation! What a steaming pile of shite.

Wednesday, 14 September 2011

Man Of Mystery & The Snotty Cow

How do all! It's been a funny few days. As I've mentioned before I had a Job Interview last week with a local firm. It went OK but wasn't building things up for fear of dissapointment. Well it's over a week now and I've not heard anything so I'm pressuming I wasn't successful. As usual though, a simple thing like an interview for me turns into something more surreal. I'm expected to contact the companies I have interviews with afterward for feedback on how it went. I did so on this occasion, waited a week before I called the bloke who I'd been contact with since applying, a guy called Kris. He was a southerner, loud and seemed a confident man which I would expect in his line of work. We'd spoke on the phone and exchanged emails so I had a log of his contact details. Now then, on Monday I rang him, "Hello, is that Kris?" to which he said it was and I said who I was and why I was phoning. "Ah, Grizzly!" he said "I've just been in with Simon and was going to call you with some feedback. Look, I'm driving at the minute, I'll call you back later this afternoon". Well, he didn't. I waited until lunch yesterday and rang him back...now this is where it gets a little odd. I got through to a voice mail message, "hello you are through to Graham. I'm unable to take your call.....". Graham! Who the hell is Graham? I've tried the same number several times and its the same. The email he sent me has the same phone number on it too. I've sent him a polite email too but funnily enough I've had no joy with that either.




I applied with a Driving Agency online today. They are a national firm and have an office in Lincoln. They rang me within half an hour of sending the application which was good. What followed was one of the hardest phone conversations I've had in a while. The lady who I spoke to was asking me questions, some I'd already answered on the application, some I hadn't been asked before. This all sounds normal but surely when you ask a question you wait for an answer before speaking again? or is it me? this went on for over 10 minutes. After spelling out my address twice I was instructed on what to bring with me to my meeting with them later in the week. She then said that she'll see me Friday and make sure I bring what I need. I was just about to say thank you and before the breath left my mouth she snapped at me, "It is an Interview!" and hung up.

I now know why I've never trusted Employment Agencies. At my last work place we had a rather irritating woman who had an Agency we dealt with. To be fair she was friendly enough, for me, a little too friendly.


I had some fairies round this morning and they took a load of apples. They even had most of the fallen ones and put the shit ones in the bin for me! Shall see if they want more next week.

Monday, 12 September 2011

Mirrors, Replies and General Rubbish.

A few months back my car was the victim of vandles. The driver side wing mirror was broken and left hanging, I've had it taped together since. Obviously money has been rationed so buying a new one wasn't top of my list but today I've had to order a replacement. Problem is it keeps slipping down while I'm driving along and seeing the road roll agong backwards isn't exactly what I'm after. With the assistance of my old pal H we searched the internet and couldn't find the right colour match, there was every colour but in fact. £40 quid later I've had to opt for 2 black ones, I had to get 2 so at least they matched the black trim of the car. Surely my colour wasn't the only blue Ford Focus made! No it wasn't because I've seen loads about but I suspect mine is the only unlucky one that needs maintainance.

I'm waiting a phone call this afternoon to see if I have a job. I called the guy earlier and he was just in a selection meeting. He said he'd call back this Afternoon. Fingers crossed eh! Need the money for my mirrors.

Has anyone heard Paul Wellers new single? Christ it's shit.

I've managed to find someone who wants some apples off the Magic Tree. They're coming round tomorrow to take what they want. I'll ask them to take the fallen ones too!

Sunday, 11 September 2011

Step Back In Time

I stepped back in time over the weekend. Saturday we ventured out over the Wolds to a small place called Fulstow. They hold a 1940's weekend there every year and it was the 2nd time I'd been. I'd have rather visited Belchford for the annual Soapbox Cart downhill racing weekend instead but nevermind it got me out. It's a pleasant affair, the Villages of Fulstow and North Thoresby, quiet little villages in the middle of nowhere, hold a joint 1940's/wartime event this people from all over dressing up in old uniforms, drive round in old Jeeps, stalls and usually a vintage aircraft flypast. You get the picture! It's also the home of the Lincolnshire Wolds Railway with 3 miles(ish) of what remains of an old dissused line that now ferries people back and forth in an old Steam Engine!!!!!




The SoapBox Racing sounds more exciting....bugger!

Well, as I say, It's not particularly my thing but the the other half and the boys like it and its a day out. Anyway, what I was going to tell you about were the guys n girls who do the dressing up. I've always said that even though the Nazi's were total shithouses they did have the smartest Uniforms, and to be fair there were some fine examples of these. In fact, there were more Nazi's and SS officers than Allied Forces. When we got to Fulstow and were walking into the field were the "entertainment" was happening we were greeted by a platoon of "German Soldiers" on parade having inspection and "orders" issued, it's all taken very seriously. This group of 7 men (all northerners from t' sound o' accents) were quite possibly the sadest bunch I've ever seen. Not one under 60, 25 stone, seen a hairbrush or a bath!. One couldn't have found a smaller jacket if he'd tried. I tried very hard to keep my sniggering from becoming hysterical laughter.
We had a wander around the stalls, while they were looking and the endless crap people were flogging for stupid money, I was watching a particular gentleman dressed in a Vintage Policemans Uniform, thinking he really was a policeman with his proud walk, chest all puffed out and purple face harrassing anyone "dressed up" with the line "Can I see your Identification car please?". Funny once, irratating twice, tree times.....

I'd have rather been Soapbox Cart Racing.

Wednesday, 7 September 2011

Loud Mouth

It started early today, ten past 6 this morning. There's a family that live directly across the way from me who are slightly strange. The wife has some sort of cleaning obsessive dissorder, one daughter never leaves the house, the other looks like the alien at the end of Close Encounters and the Dad, well he's friendly enough but has a voice that'll rival any Fog horn. He often pops across to my neighbours house to see if she needs anything, she must be in her 90's. Her son lives there too, but he's never worked a day in his life. Anyway, this morning I was woken up to the Foghorn......
"YOU THERE? I CAN'T GET IN DUCK, THE DOORS JAMMED DUCK." pause....loud knocks..."YOU THERE DUCK? THE DOORS LOCKED.....I CAN'T GET IN.....". This went on for 20 odd minutes. I had enough, poked my head out the window and shouted..."It's half 6 in the morning you loon. Do you think that she may be in bed? The fact the doors locked obviously means she doesn't want people to come in her house either? Fuck off shouting and waking the street up." The reply I got from the Foghorn was as follows, "I'm going to the supermarket and wondered if she wanted anything". "Yeah a fucking lie in you twat" I replied. He shrugged his shoulders and peddled off on his Bike.

I do hope the day gets better......

Tuesday, 6 September 2011

Gypsies, Tramps and Heroes.

Its pissing down with rain today. I was going to shovel up yet another tree load of apples from the garden but I'm not getting wet for that. I went up to my friends work place, he owns a Van hire company, for a cuppa and catch up instead. He was telling me a story of how last week he had several calls from farmers and the police about one of their Vans spotted acting suspiciously in various places around the country. It turned out it was the same Van, hired out the week previously by some bloke from the shit hole known as Grantham. To cut along story short, Kings Lynn Police eventually phoned saying the driver was arrested and they had the Van impounded pending enquiries into metal theft. A few hours later and after several phone calls it turns out the Police didn't have the Van and they had no idea where it was. So, my friend and business partner made their own investigations visiting the address they had to find a young lady there who allegedly had no idea about their Van or who this bloke was. Something wasn't sitting right, as we all know, never trust anyone from Grantham! After a look around the surrounding streets they found the Van, broke into it and took it back.
Now then, as this Van was classed as stolen, it hadn't been bought back and had notched up several speeding tickets ( 2 of which by the Police themselves and not a speed camera) and spotted late at night in Farmers yards in the middle of nowhere, surely to god it would have been on the polices'system and therefore pulled up at some point? No, it took the owners to do their work for them.

And they wonder why no-one has any respect for the Police anymore!

I had those con men on the phone again today, you know the Computer Virus chaps I had trouble with the other week. I thought I'd had fun with them this time. He told me his name and was working for Windows this time so I started asking my own questions. I started with "Hello Peter, could I possibly take your 2nd name", this stumped him, he stumbled over his words and didn't answer. I then asked "where are you calling from?" to which he replied London. "Can I have your office Address please Peter?" to which I got Windows Offices, Main Road, London. "You aren't from Windows Peter, are you? You are trying to con me. You do realise this call is being recorded by Interpol, the Police...." the line went dead.

Made me smile anyway.


There was program on today about people who were affected directly by the Twin Tower attacks. On it were some very sad stories which we have heard from many people. The one I was amazed at though started with an interview with a lady who's husband worked in the north tower. He called her after the plane hit his building and was up on the 25 floor. He told her he was ok and was getting as many people together as he could and was going to try and get out. Tragically moments later she saw the building collapse and for 3 days was in a state of shock that she had seen him perish. That was until he phone her! He hadn't even got offhis floor when the building came down and remembers falling. The Fire department found him still sat on the floor of his office parched on the edge of the rubble pile approx 50 feet up! He suffered only bruising. He is now firm friends with his rescuer, a fireman who lost most of his collegues in the attacks.

What an amazing thing to happen. I don't want to get all soppy but it's coming up to the 10 year mark and it still shocks me. I will be thinking about the victims of that day over the coming weeks.

Monday, 5 September 2011

Smells!

Signing on day again today but there was no gossip this time unfortunately. The lady who stinks of piss sat next to me again, she was particularly strong today it actually gave me a headache. I walked down, the weather being sunny but with a slight breeze but on the way back I was hoping I'd miss the rain. I did thankfully.

The kids round here are back to school today. Of course with the extra buses running the town was snarled up with traffic. I watched these kids as I waited outside the Jobcentre and was extremely grateful none of them were mine. Horrible creatures. Not an ounce of manners in any of them.

I asked my brother a while back if he could get hold of any camo netting,just a little bit so the boys can play war or whatever with it. He got some, enough to camo my house with!

Job Interview later, bit nervous.




*UPDATE* Interview went ok, shall wait now for the outcome.

Sunday, 4 September 2011

I'm ok, with my decay.

A very quiet weekend this week. Apart from my weekly Asda shop with my dearest I haven't moved more than 10 yard from her front door. I did however complete my latest model, a Sea Harrier, in Falkland Conflict colours. It was a shit kit, the two halves of the body didn't fit together properly so some minor a subtle alterations were needed.

I did the final touches while we watched the Goonies! Speaking of films, I watched a great film friday. Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes, you must see it.

I have another job interview tomorrow afternoon. Quality Control again, completely different industry again, feeling nervous again!! I'd applied for this job months ago and heard nothing, then they advertised it again and they rang the day after I sent my CV! Strange world sometimes isn't it?


My Girlfriends neighbour is being evicted for her kids disgusting racist behaviour. They are 6 and 10 years old. Good, and I hope they don't re-house the horrible shits again, stick them in the Zoo, preferably with the Lions (still unable to beat a Tiger in a fight by the way!).

Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Back to School!


I'm going back to school! I had a meeting this morning with a lady from Boston College. I was referred by my careers advisor to do a Food Hygene course which I'll be honest I really didn't want to do. We chatted about this and that, what's available to me and so on but she agreed that the course I was there to do might not be what I'm after for the minute. So on the 13th of September I will be attending a Work Skills Assessment day which will involve various things designed to guide me on to what courses will be of benefit to me. While in my Interview, my "Action Plan", I was asked what my Interests are. Drawing being what I'm best at (apart from relaxing but they don't have courses on that!) I've been asked to look into how I could possibly turn that into a career. Certainly something to look into, I've slipped out of the habit of getting pencil to paper just lately.

The town this morning was dead, typical as I walked down. I saw an old School teacher down there. I've not seen the bloke since I left, not that I particularly wanted to, he is looking his age. He was our R.E. teacher, a Born Again nutcase with a habit of perving over the girls. He looks like a dirty old man these days. This was the man who held an assembly at leat twice a year which usually revolved round some barmy story and at the end would explain how Jesus fitted in and how the lord worked in mysterious way blah blah blah. One assembly I remember so vividly was the time he bought a New Age guest speaker in. This man was South African (see I remember it vividly) and was telling this rather bollocks story of how he was once a Builder and that one day a house he was working on fell down for reasons never explained and that he saw an Angel come down and save him from a falling wall! That day changed his life and he now dedicates his life to the word of the Lord. Of course this went down like a lead balloon with us and the teachers and thankfully was never aloud to preach in school again. Yes a pointless story but sod it.

I watched a program about Bill Hicks last night. He was an American Comedian who died in 1994. He spent years on the comedy circuit in America but never got as big as he should have. He became popular over here due to the fact that he was a)funny and b)because by the time we had heard of him he had altered his act from taking the piss out of his religous up-bringing and to taking the piss out of America, a bit like what Rich Hall does these days.


It's a little ironic that after that sketch, he died of Cancer. He had a point though!

Tuesday, 30 August 2011

Total Nightmare

Town today is manic. I live in a small market town, well you'd call it a Market Town but there's no Market anymore. It's a small town. I had some jobs to do, drop a perscription in at the doctors and pick up a parcel, then nip up the road and get some shopping. This normally would have taken an hour tops. I don't hang about you see. Not today, I left the house just before 10am and I arrived back at 20 past 12! If if wasn't for having to go shopping I'd have walked. There is a one way system in the town centre. This was bought in about 15 years ago to ease the traffic. The problem is they then put Traffic light controlled pedestrian crossings in everywhere which then snarls up the traffic coming into town from all directions. So we all sat and watched the world go by from our Vehicles. While sat there, I saw at least four people press the button(you know the ones you press so the green man comes on)at one particular crossing and carry on straight past it! That pisses me off. There's no need. It's things like that the death penalty should be bought back for!!!

Now, I'm not age-ist (ageist?) but old folk do have an incredible knack of getting up my nose at times. For a generation that us younger folk are told, were bought up with more manners and respect than today they don't show it sometimes. In the doctors a couple of old women holding up everyone else nattering away in the doorway, completely oblivious to anyone else, that or just being plain rude, then getting the hump because someone politely asked to get by. Or the person in Tesco invading my space and cuffing me round the back of the head with some flowers, which stank of cat piss by the way, and jabbing me in the back with their bloody basket. I'm begining to think it's actually me, not everybody else thats fucked up.

I've got a meeting tomorrow, I've been put on a "Food Hygene course" by the job centre. Something I don't want to do but unfortunately if I don't I put my JSA at risk. I really do not want a job in food. It's something else to put on my CV I suppose but hey, what difference is that gonna make for me, the luckiest bloke alive!

I saw one of those shows the other day where these Antique experts travel round the place buying shit and at the end of the week trying to sell it at a profit. I amazes me what people will spent on shit, and it is shit (with the very rare occasional nice thing). Claris Cliff pottery, Highly collectable and people spend good money on it. It looks fucking awful, like something a child would paint at nursery school. Tobey Jugs are another! christ all mighty, what the hell are they all about? Well, obviously people with buy anything, so when if I get a few quid to spare I'm gonna try the old shit, sorry, Antique game out.

I don't know why but I always imagine David Dickinson smelling of Old spice and Stale Cigars!

Monday, 29 August 2011

Roger Tango! Ready for take off.


I took a drive out earlier. I have a day to myself and didn't want a day in. As my Dearest has taken the boys out to some kids theme park near Matlock and my friends have all gone out for the day I decided a drive in the country was in order. I drove to Coningsby, home of the Battle of Britain Memorial Flight and just by luck the Lancaster, Hurricane and a Spitfire were all being checked over ready for flight. So I pulled over and got a few shots.


Being from a military family, my Dad served in the RAF, I have a soft spot for military aircraft (I'm not an anorak who spends his days stood on a stap ladder with a camera and taking down the Reg numbers!) so this was a pleasant suprise for me.


I think the fact these Aircraft are still flying is a good thing and a reminder that Britain was once great and produced some truely great things. Hats off to all those who battle to keep these wonderful pieces of British Heritage alive.

I wasn't alone of course. Standing next to the end of the Runway on a grass verge next to a single track road was a small collection of people. Among those were two elderly gents with what I presume were their grand kids, telling them in great detail the in's and out's of the Lancaster. Being a nosey sod and sanding next to them I listened in with interest. On the other side of me however were a couple of odd balls. 50 odd, never had a girlfriend, spots, baseball caps on with Aeroplane badges covering them, step ladder and camera with a lens a mile long. Normally I wouldn't mind these social outcast, everyone has their hobbies, but these two were crusing for a brusing. Huffing and puffing because other people were there, taking up the good vantage points, moaning there were kids mucking about, generally getting up my nose. Tossers.

I've just heard my Sister in Laws' Mum has had a heart attack. She's poorly but doing ok. Thinking of you Chris....hope you get well soon.




Sunday, 28 August 2011

So Much To The Wilderness

We aren't going camping! My fault apparently, I never organised it. I did actually organise it, I really wanted to take the my dearests' 2 young 'uns away for a couple of days for an adventure. Got prices, location, organised a tent and roped in the assistance of my brother ( a Soldier by trade, very good at camping out! Always handy). It was nothing to do with the fact she never bought their Sleeping bags or them going off with their Grandparents every other week. No my fault, I'm responsible and also have the added downer of letting them down like their Father! This of course is a load of old shit. I treat those boys like my own and far better than their Father. She knows this of course but likes to give me a bollocking from time to time. I of course take no notice because I don't live in that strange place women do! So, the beards gone, Grizzly Ben Adams has gone away for another year.

Sexist jibes over.

It pissed down with rain thursday and friday. Apart from the weekly trip to Asda we were house bound (it was really pissing down!). This wasn't ideal for 2 boys, already bored and ready to go back to School. No amount of Nintendo Wii stopped the bickering, poking, teasing and general all round adult annoyance. I can't blame them, they are kids. Saturday however the Sun was out and I ran those kids excess energy off round the field for hours. When they were suitably knackered and muddy I pissed them off with further exercise and walked to the CO-OP for some milk. They came back with a comic each so they were smiling, my wallet and me weren't. long gone are the days when the Beano cost 25p. It's "Toxic" and cost you almost a sodding fiver. And I'm rotten to those boys!

Had a pint with my old pal H this afternoon, well 3 pints. For a Bank Holiday weekend it was dead. I remember a day you wouldn't have got in the place on a Bank Holiday as everyone would be out. It's sad in a way, spose everyones at home on Facebook talking to each other.

The garden's full of sodding Apples again. Guess what my job is tomorrow?


Wednesday, 24 August 2011

It Landed On My Doorstep This Morning

I thought my luck had changed yesterday, I was offered a job. Unfortunately the pay didn't warrant a 96 mile round trip. It was in Scunthorpe. I don't mind travelling to work, I had to for my last one, but thats just a bit to far with fuel prices as they are.

While most people were still hanging on to "Britpop", there were some great bands that got overlooked. Flaming Lips, Grandaddy and Mercury Rev to name a few. To be fair, they weren't your avaerage Radio bands but still did some great songs. One of my faves were Grandaddy, who split up in 2006. The main man Jason Lytle went on to make a fine solo album. Their classic album "The Software Slump" has been re-released with an 2nd disc of demos and bits. It's a great album. I fact all their albums were good but there's something about this one. Give it a go.


I'm supposed to be taking my dearests' boys camping this summer. I'd best get a shift on coz they'll be back at school soon. So this weekend I think she'd best get a sleeping bag sorted for them. I've not been camping since 1987! should be amusing. Just planning to go down to Rutland, so it's not far if they decide it's not for them. My brother lives that way too so no doubt he'll join me. I'm growing a beard so I can be just like Grizzly Adams!

Monday, 22 August 2011

Monday Monday!

Morning! I've just got back from a walk into town. I had to sign on and do some other bits. The jobcentre was full of it's usual characters, a woman who stank of piss (who sat next to me!) and a bloke who turned up in shorts with scruffy shoes and no socks. The Security guard has been kicked out by his missus this week! The staff like to discuss their personal crap in front of everyone before they start. I was in and out this morning, they didn't even ask me how my job hunting was going. I was really looking forward to joining in the social and tell everyone what I've been up to.

A band I've loved for years, Jane's Addiction, release a new album next month. I'm a bit excited! They are (to me anyway) and amazing band and jaw dropping live.

Anyways, back to job hunting. Wish me luck.

Sunday, 21 August 2011

Red Four

One of the Red Arrows crashed yesterday with the death of the pilot. He was 33. Having seen the Red Arrows hundreds of times and living not far from their base I never grow tired. At 33 the pilot achieved something amazing, to become a pilot of the worlds best aerobatic team. Very sad.

I was coming home from asda in a friends car on Thursday last week and spotted something strange in front of us.
This Van has no back windows, but why the hell has it got a wiper?

X Factor has started again, great! New judges this series with that top bloke from Take That, Gary Barlow, you know...Kens' son, taking the place of Simon Cowel as the horrible judge. Unfortunately I couldn't avoid it, I usually avoid X Factor at all cost. All I'm going say is I'd like to kick Barlows teeth out. He's a twat.

Watched a couple of films over the weekend, "Let me in", a remake of the Swedish film "Let the right one in". I've seen both and enjoyed both. The 2nd, "Super 8", A love story between a young boy and girl disguised on the trailer as a good old fashioned Alien/monster movie. It's OK suprisingly, just don't expect to see much of the creature even when you get to the end. It's about the kids of the town not the monster.

Thursday, 18 August 2011

The wonders of morning TV.

I've been avoiding TV in the daytime. It's a habit I nearly fell into the trap of a few months ago. Apart from the news headlines with a brew (not Special Brew!) thats about it. This morning however I was up and about early. I put the TV on, watched the news as usual but made the mistake of turning over to ITV and stumbling across a camp bloke waffling shit about hair do's for women. He drew my attention because I couldn't believe how stupid he looked for a start. Too much fake tan and dressed completely in white which just made him look even more orangey brown than I thought possible. Then there was his tips "on great looking hair". Well, if you think showing them a picture of some Hollywood star and telling them "and you can do that at home with a heated brush" a tip then people are more stupid than I thought. Anyway, that wasn't the bit that got me, it was the item of "if your planning on going outside, don't forget to protect your hair, these FANTASTIC lines of suncream for hair...", Oh my God! Suncream for fucking hair! Whatever next, "protect your eyebrows from sweat with this fantastic spray, available from the highstreet at £35"?

I'll not watch daytime TV again because it's full of shit.

Got turned down for another job yesterday, sadly never made the interview stage but I was on the short list. It's getting difficult out there.

Wednesday, 17 August 2011

Quick Question...

.....can anyboby tell me what a "Foot Can Manager" is?

Fucking TV!

Right, I'm officially in the "slipping into madness" zone. I woke up this fine morning feeling a bit shitty, that funny feeling you get just before a cold breaks through. I hope I'm not getting another cold, not long had one. Anyway, it's the 2nd phase of tuning in the digital TV's day. You may remember I mentioned I lost all the BBC channels last time, well, I've re-tuned again. The downstairs is ok but the fucking upstairs...(deep breath grizz, keep it together!)....I now have the BBC channels again but everything else is gone.

I can't fucking win.

I'm going to take my frustration out on those apple trees in the garden I think. They're magic apple trees because a whole tree load of apples fall on the floor, I go out and risk my life with the pissed up wasps and pick them up and the next fucking morning, there's another tree load on the floor. The bloody tree is still full of them. I have offered them to people, they are welcome to pick them from the tree (they are cooking apples), but nobody wants them.

I'm seriously thinking about doing voluntary work, but I'm not sure what I should get into. Anyone got any ideas?

I had a text from my friend asking if I wanted to go to a School Reunion in September. Someone on Facebook is organising it. He knew what I'd say but asked coz he would only go if I was....odd you may think, until you know who's organising it and who's apparently going. I'm not going, because I wasn't exactly the best of friends with most of the list and If my memory serves I owe one of them a quid! Sorry Ellerby, I'm skint and jobless, you ain't having it.

It's funny, I'm really not interested what people I went to school with are doing now. Most will be married, divorced, have kids. I think that the people I'm still in contact with now from those days are the ones that I'm meant to be friends with. We've made an effort to stay friends. Fuck the rest of ya! I always have an image of what these reunions are like. For instance, the Fat ugly girl at school is bound to be the finest looking and is just there to rub it in. The Bully wont go but the bullied will, in the hope to get their own back. Everyone will be itching to know what you've done with yourself since leaving school, hoping like fuck it's not as good as them. Maybe it's me and it's not like that, but I bet you I'm not far off.

I found this on youtube the other day.....I found it funny.



Tuesday, 16 August 2011

Having a People free day.

After yesterday I decided I needed complete peace and quiet. I was just feeling pissed off and had a feeling of depression setting in. I took a drive out to where my brother got married, a little Abbey on it's own in the fens, miles from any irritants.

I left my phone behind, took a book I'm reading at the minute and enjoyed the sounds of the country. I might do this more often.

My Mum in her wisdom bought the film Rango the other day. She couldn't work out why it wouldn't play on her DVD player. It was thrust under my nose, as if I have magic to make things better! I pointed out to her, not for the first time that Blu-ray discs, clearly marked up Blu-ray on the case, don't play on normal DVD players. "Oh!" she said, "buy a normal one off of Amazon and we can swop then. You can have this one". Put simply, she wanted me to buy a DVD I don't want!

Now then, is it me or is there some conspiracy to fuck my head up. Thats how things seem this week so far.

Shooting stars was funny last night. There was one thing that I noticed, Ulrika's neck seems to get longer with age!

Monday, 15 August 2011

Grumble Grumble

Not a happy man today. I had a meeting with my Personal Careers Adviser this morning. She's nice and helpful, one of the better staff members down there. Well, to cut a long story short, about 4 weeks ago she put me forward for funding for a forklift truck course. This seemed like a good idea as there are a few jobs round these parts that required this licence as part of the vacancy. I was turned down apparently, weeks ago, but the tossers in the Jobcentre failed to tell me. I asked one fuckwit in there when I signed on if there was any news and they claimed there wasn't. So now I've put a complaint in as that is the 2nd time they've failed in passing on imformation to me. The first time nearly ended up with my JSA being cancelled.

I took a slow walk to the bank to pay a cheque in. A favour for my elderly neighbour who's now housebound. I could have chosen any bank to pay it in to but unfortunately I chose the one that had 5 people sat at the cashier windows but only one doing anything. It was slow going, mostly old folk dithering, getting on my nerves and a large American or Canadian buffalo, sorry, woman in front of me who stank and was talking as loudly as humanly possible on the phone. Of course, she insisted on finishing her conversation before she carried out her banking duties. She then turned to me and said "I'm sorry for holding you up, but I'm not spoken to my Mom in a few days!". I like to think that I'm polite, but I also have a good command of swear words, which I used to good effect at her to the amusement of the old guy behind me. My fondness for the human race at this point is on Zero.

After the bank incident I returned to my car and had a drive up to see my old pal Harold. He's always good for a laugh. He didn't fail me, watching him almost do a Basil Fawlty on one of his vans because the fuel filter wouldn't fit in position properly had me in stitches! Luckily, the sight of me rolling about the yard pissing myself started him off too. We had a cuppa, pissed ourselves at what old school friends look like now on facebook.

One person we found on there from school now thinks of himself as a Rock Star! He always was a bit of a prick. Well, he's got a band going now down in London. I've had a listen to some of their stuff and in my opinion its shit. He'll probably be famous now I've said that. I hope not, like I say, he's a prick.

The job search today was really worth it, with nothing of interest cropping up. I'm thinking about doing some voluntary work. There a drop-in event down town in a couple of weeks.

Anyway, I'm off to throw rotten apples at the kids 2 doors down. Coz I'm in that sort of mood.

Sunday, 14 August 2011

Back To Square One...

Been at my dearests' house for a few days. Whilst I've been away I recieved a letter from the company I had that Interview with last week. Unfortunately I wasn't successful so it's back to square one, the joys and laughter trawling through the piles of cleaning jobs on the job websites. I was a bit dissapointed but hey, shit happens, time to move on.


The area my dearest lives isn't the best to be blunt, but there are alot worse places in Lincoln. To be fair, I wouldn't go so far as sayin the area's the issue, it's some of the people that bring it down. For example, the single mother, and her 3 kids on one side are experts in ruining a whole street. At the ages of 10, 8 and 6 they're all on first name terms with the local Fuzz. Friday I went down the local CO-OP for some milk and bits. I was stood waiting to pay, minding my own business when a lad, late teens or early 20's joined me in the queue. No problem there you might say, until I realised he's was in nothing but his pants! I looked at him, normally, as I didn't want him to think he was getting a reaction (or worse) and he just looked at me back, smiled and nodded! I thought to myself, well if he ain't bothered then I'm not. I was waiting for the security guard or a staff member to throw him out but no, the lady at the check out never even batted an eye.
Friday night I introduced myself to the neighbours at half 3 in the morning. Twice. The second time nearly kicking their front door off its hinges. They were asked quite politely to keep the noise down on several occasions by another neighbour. I don't like repeating myself! There hasn't been a peep out of them since.

We went to the Cinema Saturday afternoon, Lincoln Odeon being the most expensive in the country, (according to Look North!). Yes it was expensive, well over £30 for the four of us. Harry Plopper was Becky and her eldest sons' choice, they are unfortunately sucked into the Harold Potter garbage and hype. They liked it. I on the other hand had offered to take the younger son to see something else as he thinks Harry Porter is even shitter than I do, and so one wasn't treated and the other was etc etc......an hour and a fucking half of The Smurf's I had to endure. Anyone with kids, nephews or nieces, grandkids or are planning to see this themselves can I offer this bit of advise first? DON'T. As kids films go this is among the worst. The "jokes", you now the one's that are put there for the parents, just so they don't fall asleep, well they aren't even funny. I was glad it was all over. It gave me a headache.

I wonder what percentage profit Cinemas make on popcorn? I bet its a vast fortune.

There's a program on this evening about Giants of the deep. It looks good. Being a former qualified Sub-aqua Diver with the BSAC, I do wish I'd had the funds to carry on with it. Those camera men have an amazing job. Oh well, no good crying over what could have been eh?.....well, being a jobless oaf, living in the middle of nowhere and the chance of moving very slim, dreaming about what could have been is all I have these days (cue violins and sad music).

My Niece has been round this afternoon and she's great.